Charlee Cheez and Buttmeg

Hallo then,

Yes I am heer to talk to you and to hellp keep you motervaitid. I no yoo hav been wurrid abowt ware I wos but I hav been veri busy bcos Mum has been doowing a hexxy bishun so I hav had to prippare all the meels and keep up with the woshing and kleening (aziff).

Wel, I am sad at the mowmunt bcos my bruther, Charliee Cheez, has cancer of his mowth and he wil ownlee be alyve probly for abowt anuther week bcos it is getting verry big. Eevun thow Chralee beets me upp I do haktcherly luv him. Mum keeps hugging him and krying then singing to him then krying then giving him some chikkin then krying. Its all verry confyewzing and I am nott all that happi abowt the chikkin snax if I’m onnist but…ENNYWAY. I wil miss him. Plees say a prair for him. By the way he is a jinjjer cat an mum says he has a namayzing persunnalitee. She hazunt been on the resseeving end of his nose boxing tho. Pfft.

(hupdait – Charlee crossed the Ranebow Brijj this morning 🙁 I miss yew Charlee, butt is okay I wil eet all yor spair sashays of Feelix xxxx)

Sow ennyway, how ar yoo getting on? I howp yor legs ar howlding up. I feel very lukky to hav four legs, I know thare are four uther dogs taiking part so thats six teen doggy legs – one is my gurlfrend Kara (hubba hubba), then thares Timby Toos hoo livs in Cornworl with mums lovely frend Louise an thares Dottie and Ronnie. Ronny is on hollerday in Spane at the mowmunt and has been powsting selfies on instugrand of hisowngoodself on the beech sunbaking *JELLUSSS*!

Wee hav bin running tenkay every day, wel I haktcherly run a lot more bcos I run off then I run bak to mum to check if she has ay stik for me then I run off then I run bak aggen to chek the stik sitchooayshuin again, ad infinnitum. Mum put a jee pee ess on my harniss wunce and I rand three times as far as she did, bcos she is hobversly very LAZY and never even tries to chaiss a hair or a rabbit or nuffen. She juss runs along singing to her iPlop “Ooh thay paivs parrudice, put up ay parkkinnng lotttttt” or “Finishd wiv my wooman cos shee coodunt hellp me wiv mye mind” etc. Sumtimes shee awlso praktissis hairobics. She is SOW IMBARRISSING.

Nexweek is verry eggsiting bcos I hav a new sista from anuvver mista coming to live at my howse. We has reskewd a jakrussole from some peepl who did not wonnt her any more even thow she is thurteen. She is verry verry sweet and her name is Nutmeg, but I call her Buttmeg, bcos butts are my fayvrit thing apark from bazgettty golernaise. I hav hidden my fayvrit toys, sutch as my foxxee, in cais she is a kleptermayniac.

Lissen thow. Keep up the grate wurk bcos we are maiking lots of munny for the poor peepl whom hav had a strowk and thay wil be sow happi that actors wil be able to come and reed to them to help them remember things abowt thare lifes and to get happy again and be aible to go home to be with thare dogs who are missing them and probly not evun getting fed or getting any gravy bones or kissis.

Juss to let yoo know that muvva is bizzy making a slideshow video of all your pikkies, and it has music and wen you see it it will make you cry and realize even more how speshul you all are for hellping people who can’t move like we can.

Until then, I love you very mutch (plees send gravy bones to my PO Box if you have any spare)

I love you, Scowt XXXX

Pee ess, I love yew X

Pee ess ess, bye bye Charlee XXXXXXXXXXX

Pee ess ess ess, plees may yew sponnsa me Menny thangkews and kissis XXXXXXXXXXXXX